priscilla | Forge Contact II

It's just.

He's... angry at me. Again.

He's always angry at me, and I would just stop talking to him except when he's not angry at me, he's so good to me, and I don't... I don't know what to do anymore.

Nothing I say is enough.

I am so sorry, Priscilla.

[GRRR. ISLEY.] Why would he be angry with you? He wanted to be on the Patrol, and he is. You have been nothing but kind [GOD. WHAT IS THIS.] to him, and more than fair.

[...]

[CAUTION CAUTION DANGER AHEAD FULL STOP CAUT---]

What is it that he wants to hear? Do you know?

I won't tell you what to do. You are old enough to figure that out for yourself. But I know what I would do.

I don't. Or I do? I don't know if I know.

It's just that he asked about Yuukai, and I told him I got it from Senji and there was this... his yoki got... horrible. And then it stopped. And he asked me to live with him and I can't - I can't leave here, I have to say for work and besides, he doesn't have a vault in his closet and if I were with him all the time, I-- I can't breathe around him sometimes, I don't know. So I said I couldn't. But I guess I said the wrong thing or said it the wrong way because he hung up on me, and I hate it when he does that, I just feel so...

I don't know. So I guess I chased him a little. But he said I don't trust him, and he wants to switch partners and I asked him - I begged him not to, because I don't want to be away from him, even though I know I should but I guess he doesn't like that. I mean that I think I should. But he said I should work it out. But I already know I can't work it out because I love him. Senji, I mean, not Isley. But Isley is... I don't know. He makes my heart hurt. But that's not enough. Nothing I do is enough, and I don't know why.

[And now she's... crying. A lot.]

I know. I know. Everyone but me would just get away from him. But I can't, Irene, I... it's so complicated. It's not just about me, and even if it were I still miss him when he's too quiet, and I--

I even miss him now. Even though he's making me really mad.

[Her eyes close at HIS YOKI GOT HORRIBLE. But thankfully this is not video.]

A vault in his closet.

[...]

No one likes to be rejected. Even Isley, I suppose. It is obvious he [???] cares for you in some way that I cannot explain, but I believe that I can ...understand.

I myself care for you a great deal - you are like - no, you are family to me, Priscilla.

You love him? Senji? Does he know this?

Complicated. [Sigh. Pinching the bridge of her nose, here, and it's not a leftover hangover headache. But yay for voice. She's caught between offering a spar or a hug.]

[...]

I envy you a little. Not the pain, or the hard decisions, or the...

[...well, yes. I envy you the heartache.]

[Silence for a moment.]

We're not all that different, you know. In a sense, I believe you're the braver between us.

...well, I need to keep the funding somewhere.

[...]

[She sighs.]

It isn't that I wanted to reject him. That's incredible nerve-wracking and I guess he gets frustrated. With me. Because I guess I do reject him a lot [...yeah, think about that.] and even when -- well, anyway. I know he cares about me. Is that weird?

And yes... Senji's always known about that. It's just that-- I wish you'd been here. It's hard to talk about. We were... for I guess maybe nine months, he and I were... well. And we lived together and... then Riful tortured him, and he d-- well. I fought her, and I almost-- it could have been. Very bad.

That was the day Isley came to Anatole. Everything has been different since then.

So. Senji knows. That's why we've separated. He thinks he makes me more dangerous. And he does.

Thank you, Irene. I... you're family to me, too. And I-- I don't think I'm very brave. If I were, I wouldn't be afraid all the time. Of... Riful, and of myself, and of Isley. Him most of all.

Ah. [Well, that made more sense than she expected.]

Weird? No, I don't think it is. Precious little is ...not ah, 'weird' when it comes to emotions.

[WHAT THE FUCK WITH YOUR TIMING, ISLEY? SERIOUSLY? Also. The dating contest? A bad idea. Priscilla's already said she still loves Senji. As if she needs more confusion. Pfft.]

[And this is precisely why Priscilla needs people to turn to. Support. Not isolation.] Riful is still here? I well understand the ...policy on previous crimes and the reasons behind it, but what of

And this is what prompted you to want to learn the Quicksword?

To channel these emotions, perhaps?

[...]

You should not have to be under constant threat of them - or fear of them. They are what make you more human than some of us. It is a shame that they should be feared as the cause of all that would rip you away from being as such.

[...]

You are brave because you are willing to admit your fear. I was terrified for a very long time, was caught and held prisoner by it, turned my back and ran and hid because of it. [She doesn't speak of these things. Ever, really.] Fear and pride are strange bedfellows. [Yeah, well so are Claymore and Abyssals.]

Riful... I haven't felt her for a while. But she may just be hiding in the ruins somewhere. If she goes deep enough, the mist will cover her energy up.

I don't want to channel my emotions, really. I need to quiet them down. Teresa told me that a long time ago, and for a while I got better... but then Riful came here and I was just. Afraid all the time. So I know how it feels. Sometimes I want to hide, too.

But... it is true. That everything I feel... makes me more likely to-- doesn't that scare you? Aren't I.. what you were afraid of to begin with?

I want to turn it all off.

I don't know. I promised Isley something, too. ...he still... worries me a little. Because I shouldn't feel the way I do about him, even if I don't know what to call it, exactly. And I feel guilty, like I'm betraying Senji.

But I promised Isley that I would try not to anymore. So I have to work on it.

...but I feel a little bad for that, too.

It scares me, yes. You, at this moment, no longer do. It wasn't like that before.

Things are different here in some ways. You've already been pulled back once. Would you be able to again? I'd like to think so, but...

...I can't say what would happen if...

[Oh, yeah. That's some old terror there. Not a lot, but there it is. Maybe not so banished? Or maybe just different.]

...let's not find out, hm?

I will help you to quiet this as much as it can be quieted. It is truly the only thing that I can do. I can tell you all day what I believe you should feel, but that won't make you feel it. That is also just as true, conversely.

Yes, your emotions are a ...difficulty. But there's no use in treating you like glass.

You promised Isley you would try not to feel guilty?

If it happened... I'm sure someone would cut my head off.

[Or try. But she asked Deneve once, and received an admission that in a case like that, it probably wasn't Priscilla who would end up dead.]

Yes, I... promised him I'd try not to feel guilty about... um. Well, him, mostly. ...I felt guilty for thinking about Senji, too, but he probably doesn't care about that.

Forge Contact II

/clings to Irene

/CLINGS BACK

...infodump time.

!!!

sob. I'm sure everyone's comfortable with yoki spikes from Isley roflmao

yeah. it's AWESOME i'm sure. maybe they do shots every time they feel it? WORST DRINKING GAME EVER.

Scares the HELL out of Priscilla, ngl. She trusts him not to do anything but its still horrifying.

the whole thing is horrifying /sob

amusing as hell for me. 9_9