priscilla | Forge Contact II

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-ic contact

Forge Contact II

You've reached Priscilla. Please leave your message as you prefer. I will absolutely return your contact, especially in the case of business concerns!

[...]

I'm sorry I left that terrible message up for so long!

[beep!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Don't you dare tell me you're not judging me. You're doing it now. Everything is black and white except him. Really? How in the world could possibly know that?

I gave no thought to the circumstances because the circumstances don't matter. It isn't as though you spouted it out at random. You betrayed me. The fact that you did it alone already tells me what you think of me. Th fact that you admitted it when you were incapable of lying just confirms the obvious, and I-

[...there's a long pause, in which she is trying not to explode and then...]

I am gone, Irene. The person I was before that day is gone. Just like the person I was before Senji died. And the person I was before I did. And the one I was before I came here.

I'm cutting off pieces of myself, and cutting off pieces of myself... all the time cutting off pieces of myself. And I'm tired. And I like the silence.

I didn't say I knew, I said it seemed as such. I can't know.

I the blame for what I've said, regardless of circumstance or intention, but not for what I haven't. I did betray your confidence. I failed you again, and for the last time.

[Also a long pause, but she's thinking very hard on why it even seemed like a good idea to replay that message within Priscilla's possible hearing distance. She doesn't like the self-sabotage she sees in the answers, either.]

I'll interrupt it no more, then.

No, you can't know. But there's no point in nitpicking over wording.

How does it seem that way? And why does it matter?

It seemed he was allowed a wider margin than most. Kept you on tenterhooks at his whims. Because of what he knows. Or who he knew. The rest we could only guess at.

It probably doesn't matter now. But it mattered then.

I'd wager you could master the quicksword now, Priscilla.

[There's a long silence. And then she takes a long breath, debating whether to actually say what she's about to say.]

[And then she does.]

I'm allowed to have secrets, and private things, just like everyone else. It's part of being a person and not communal property. So yes. I didn't tell everyone I was spending time with him for the first... month or two. And then he did. After that, if you could only guess, it's because you never asked me. Because no one ever asked me.

And I used him. When he first came here, I used him because he knew me, and because I was afraid of Riful, for me and for Senji, so I used him, and I made him protect me, and I made him protect Senji even though just talking about Senji made him angry, and made him teach me and I didn't care about him, and I didn't even think of him as a man, just a monster, and I didn't really believe he cared about me even a little, but I did it anyway. And I kept going back to him because he had things that I wanted. So maybe that makes me terrible.

But as for whether I gave him a wider latitude than most, no I did not. When he came here, he was guilty of nothing in this world, and I hold no one responsible for the crimes of their past, so I treated him normally because he was normal to me. And I let him on the Patrol because I had no viable reason not to. I did, or would have done, the same thing for both Riful and Luciela when they arrived, and it remains the same for Luciela, for the most part, because she hasn't done anything that I know of to remove that absolution. The only differences between them and him were his interest in me, and mine in him. I guess that put us down a different path. But it started from the same place.

These are all things I've either said before or would have said if anyone had bothered to ask me. But they didn't. They never do.

Edited 2011-01-31 05:12 (UTC)

[Communal property hits hard. Probably because Priscilla's right.]

Maybe it does. But somehow I doubt it.

Any reasons why I didn't ask the questions I should have asked are poor excuses. I won't list them.

[Why is it worse having things explode in your face when the intentions were good? This would be easier if she'd considered the risks involved. Which she didn't. Durrr. That's some stellar decisionmaking right there.]

...I wonder. If he's so terrible, why is he better to me than my own comrades. My own friends.

[A little silence. She rubs her face.]

All excuses are poor excuses. Thank you for sparing me.

[She assumes it's rhetorical, but she can't help it. It's true. Regardless of his intent, Isley displayed more care for Priscilla in this. Part of his plan? Does it matter? JUST LOOK AT THIS CLUSTERFUCK.]

All terrible in our own ways. [And is it unexpected even a little? Sadly, no.]

Maybe.

...well. I didn't mean to get into all of this.

[There are many things she wants to say, and none of them good enough. So she only hums in response and stares at her forge for a long time after.]

Mm.

[She hadn't meant to, either.]

Is there anything else, then?

[YES. JFLSJLSJL SFM YES. But I'm sorry just won't cut it and she knows it. And since turning back time isn't an option:]

No.

All right. Then I guess we're done.

Goodbye.

[...disconnect. sob.]

[way to twist that knife in there one. last. time. THIS EXPRESSION FOREVER. OR AT LEAST FOR THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES >.<]

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Forge Contact II

/deflects it :|

/ gets a better lasso gdi

>.<

/ aaaand there is a missing word up thar D:

I KNEW WHAT YOU MEANT!

/ flails

/dances!

/ cries ...while dancing? idk

Irene needs soothing drinks. NOT MAGIC WINE.

No magic wine ever again.

Pris still has a bottle in her room, LOL.

Irene has one left. It will probably never get opened I HOPE.

no subject

/brb crying